I miss you,i really do

Chinese New Year is indeed a festival celebration that all kids,everyone anticipate..
So was I for previous years..
Although it seems that everything is alright..
Although mum still pamper me with loads of new clothes n stuff..
well..Yeah,i tend to forget d pain,tend to forget that you're gone..
Tend to forget that you're no longer together with us...
this happens when my life is showered with lots happiness,enjoyments..
But,it really hurts me..
It breaks my heart,Pa..
as those enjoyments..r not divine,not eternal..
When you left..there is no more eternity,no more..
I'm so sad...I'm so sad all these nightmares never end..
I'm so sad that i cannot do anything,anything that can change this cruel reality.
It hurts me deeply..
When i think of you..
How are you?
WHere are you?
What are you doing?
I never know..
Why..why cant i know
Dad,mum and I used to be the ones who choose n buy ur new year clothes..
How's it now?
Do you buy urself new clothes?
Or you're still the same you..
A husband and dad who always give the best to us..
And never treat urself as good as 1% how important you placed us?
Dad,when all families are happily having reunion dinner..
How do you go through all those lonelinessa lone..?without us?
i doubt that i can ever feel how you feel..
the pain is really nothing if to be compared to urs..
i still have ma and Evon with me..but u have noone..U used to have us,but not anymore..
Dad,i feel that my heart is so cold,cold to the extent that i tend to forget my pain.
Pain that is left as d cruel fact which torn us apart.
Dsad,without you,everything is meaningless to me.
There might be certain joys that i feel,but of which are temporary.
Dad,i really dont have the courage to face the reality that i'm writing this post,
crying out my pain..every tear drop cant even be enough to tell you how much i hope you're still by our side.
I need no sympathies,dad..what i need is you.
I hate the fact that i like to act,to disguise myself as a happy go lucky person..
I hate to be strong in front of anyone..
If i'm able to make a choice,can i still be ur princess?
Can I?


I'm Sorry,i dont mean to spoil d mood of any of u here reading this post.
I just need write these words out...i told my sis that i'm scared lastnite before i made myself sleep..but i just couldnt tell her why....
anyway,Happy Chinese New year to all of you who are celebrating