Ohana

What family means for you? What family means to me, I was born in a very wonderful family, when I was 4 years old, my parents are blessed with another baby girl, aka my sis, Evon. So yes, we have 4 years gap in age difference. Often enough, we are mistaken as twins or at least around the same age or worst case scenario people actually believe it when I tried to say I am the younger one. And from being freaked out, she is now having =____= lame and annoyed expression each time I tried doing that.

If you ask me this question 5 years ago, the answer would be different back then and now.

Our family was a middle-income family. My dad worked in the government sector until I was in my kindy time. Soon enough, as I turned 8, my dad went to Miri to explore , rather altogether a different field of career. We would talked and talked to dad via phone every night. I remember, mum would dial dad's number and she would get my sis and I sitting down next to her near the telephone waiting excitedly for my dad to answer our call.

Then, mum would turn the loudspeaker mode on so that three of us could chat with him at the same time. That was in year 1996. As I was studying in Standard 3 in St Mary, one day my dad finally decide to bring us for a trip in Bintulu-Miri. I remember it was during sunset time that he brought mum, sis and I to Tanjung Batu beach in Bintulu one evening. My mum totally, fell in love with the view and the atmosphere, the relaxing living style in Bintulu. Believe it or not, my mum probably went to Spring Mall in Kuching for less than 20 times, well maybe 30 cos I worked parttime in Charles and Keith before. She never like crowded place. Unless she is spending her leisure time with all those uncles aunties =__= The whole point our dad brought us along for the trip is because he had another job opportunity in Bintulu's MLNG.

So eventually we moved to Bintulu and stay at this place called Pine Court Apartment, my Da Q Meh, QQ, Q Meh, cousins actually tagged along with the moving-house- trip and we had photos of those days at my Qmeh's house I guess. There, started my most beautiful, memorable 7 yrs , happiest chapter of my life.

Why would I say so? Am I not happy now? Well, of course . It is half right, I am still happy, but Ohana means family, family means no one gets left behind. and the problem I am having now is that I forget and I am not applying the principle "expect nothing, appreciate everything", put it short, I dont know how to appreciate. I expect too much. Focus too much on the closed windows, taking all those opened ones for granted.

Writing this post because, these days I am very emotional, friends keep on asking me not to be one, I wonder why, ..I'd be perceived as attention seeker, perhaps everyone needs certain level of attention, care. Whatever it is, what I am trying to say is. Family. What is your definition of family?

If it was not for the past we have been going through, we are not what we are today.

Maybe my sis and I would be like any other spoiled children. We still are, lil daughter in my mum's eyes.

I am writing this because I want all of you to know. How great it feels to be in a family.

I remember scolding one of my bestfriend, to the extend I cried so badly. She was either quarreling with her brother or complaining about her mum's bad mood. I scolded her. We are such close friends. Perhaps thats the very reason I got so angry. I said to her, " wo bu yao ni fa sheng he wo men yi yang de she qing, wo bu yao ni guo wo men guo de she qing cai fa xian, you yi ge mei man de jia you duo hao . wo bu yao ni hou hui "

We either hide it, "fu yan", change topics, or we choose to reveal, normally I'd be the one who tend to share. My sis is not. the type.

We hardly share our personal problems unless we come to a very devastated point I guess. There was a night I feel my blanket is shaky. THe blanket that I shared with her. It is her crying. I was so helpless, I just tried to keep silent, cried, silently. But I know. She knows. Both of us cried.

We have been running from reality. In fact, we are not having 'life' . We no longer watch tv as a family as before, we dont listen to songs via entertainment channels, everything is different and we just dont like to stay at home when mum is not around. We would "run away".

This is my sis. People tend to say that we look alike. People who are close to us would say we dont : ) cos they are able to tell, differentiate, and most of all, we have different personalities.

Erm, I miss my family. Sometimes I am thinking. Emo lai gan ma? Especially if emo due to smt that is not as important as my family.

Evelyn, wake up. This is your priority. Faith, your and Evon's faith. You need to do something alongside your prayers . Faith.