I miss a lot of things..

I miss him...i am the type of person..i am sad but i dont want to express it out..i dont want to let people see my weakness..i miss him..when he was leaving, i wanted to cry so much i wanted to cry a river but my sis was so down, emotionally and physically breakdown, i couldnt but just.. be strong and strengthened her.

he is the nicest person one could have found and befriend in this world. i am luckier. i was born to be his family, his cousin. he is my mum's elder brother's son. he is my biao ge, Brother Lim Kim Hock.

My impression of him at the time my sis and I were much younger is already us bullying him, because he is such a nice person you see, my sis always ask him, and sa jiao (princess) with him, asked him to take stuff for her..

we were so helpless albeit happy when my mum finally laid her final decision of coming back to kuching, moving there for good. from miri. that was in year 2005, october as the official month because my bro got married in august i skipped school for almost two months before october.

so we went and live with them. at my uncle's house in stephen yong. at times ah fook ll sleep until very late, and when we are bored or naughty or have anything that needs his help, we (or either my sis or i) will wake him up, his sleeping pose will be wrapping himself with his blanket, all over his face as well!

so we ll keep pulling the blanket off and he ll be annoyed a bit but he never scold or raise his voice a bit. he never got mad at anyone. yes, i mean never.

that is why he kept so much things to himself i guess. many a time, i told myself, not to keep focusing on negative thoughts it wont do us anything good but heartache, depression, unhealthy effects... because i dont want to walk the same pathway he walked on. his family , which included us, we were hurt, we..were dead and slowly revived, we are still overcoming it...we dont talk about him very often anymore..although we still cant help changing the way we address the house as ah fook house instead of my q meh or qq house...especially my sis...i know she is greatly affected by this....and my mum...bu i rather we talk about him more often...keep him forever in our memory..dont hide the pain by shutting out mouth up...ah fook...i miss u..i just miss u so much...i just called q meh and ah cheh jiejie spoke on the phone.she was the one picking up. you, used to be the one.the first person to offer doing anything in the home..you did all those w/o any complain or unwillingness.

we , all, still cannot accept the fact that you're gone. that's why everyone is pretending to be strong, to have overcame this, but who says that this incident is to be overcame?

i just need you to be around..i used to chat with weimin.. wei min yi hou wo zhang da le...wa yao zhuan jian, wo mai dao wu zi wo hui yao ah fook gen wo jia yi qi zhu, he shared the same thought...because you know why? even when i was a small girl back then, since that time, q meh n qq would keep on telling mum to take care of you when they re gone for good, as you're their only worry, you're the only worry..

you're our precious ah fook...you always are. im sorry i took you for granted...i ve always known im such a blessful person that God arranged you to be a part of my life..but i never say it out to you...i thought i have many chances later on in my life to make out this point but i am wrong...im sorry ah fook...i miss you..