Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Dear Lord, I am very unhappy. Very unhappy. First, my life is messed up. I am very unhappy with myself. Dear Lord, I feel unhappy, I want my old self and my old views of life back. Dear Lord..

First, my sleeping time is a shit.. I dont have enough sleep and my mood is hence a shit too.

second, I ve got my result back. I get what I put in, but im unhappy with myself. Again. And I am now flamed up for my CLP. I ll do better and I ll!

I am gonna sleep now, bbq with the rest tonight at Aaron's place. He moved in with Jasmine and Im gonna live there after my tenancy ends!

Dear Lord, I am sorry. Dear self, I am sorry too.

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

when things are kept in your heart that it overflows
when things are so wrong you dont know where to start in making em right
when you just feel like sleeping
when you are demotivated
when you are good but you keep on letting yourself down
when you are not being yourself

Friday, 24 June 2011

ANYWAY, I'VE DYED MY HAIR ! err orange-ah lian ka-ler =_____= want to see? havent even post on fb. lang lang aka nona, grace and chuiping has got my photo via whatsapp though : x


Lake District and a lot a lot of places I ve been to, a lot a lot of things that have happened yet of which I ve been procrastinating on updating. In this diary of mine. lalala

Monday, 20 June 2011


What family means for you? What family means to me, I was born in a very wonderful family, when I was 4 years old, my parents are blessed with another baby girl, aka my sis, Evon. So yes, we have 4 years gap in age difference. Often enough, we are mistaken as twins or at least around the same age or worst case scenario people actually believe it when I tried to say I am the younger one. And from being freaked out, she is now having =____= lame and annoyed expression each time I tried doing that.

If you ask me this question 5 years ago, the answer would be different back then and now.
Our family was a middle-income family. My dad worked in the government sector until I was in my kindy time. Soon enough, as I turned 8, my dad went to Miri to explore , rather altogether a different field of career. We would talked and talked to dad via phone every night. I remember, mum would dial dad's number and she would get my sis and I sitting down next to her near the telephone waiting excitedly for my dad to answer our call.

Then, mum would turn the loudspeaker mode on so that three of us could chat with him at the same time. That was in year 1996. As I was studying in Standard 3 in St Mary, one day my dad finally decide to bring us for a trip in Bintulu-Miri. I remember it was during sunset time that he brought mum, sis and I to Tanjung Batu beach in Bintulu one evening. My mum totally, fell in love with the view and the atmosphere, the relaxing living style in Bintulu. Believe it or not, my mum probably went to Spring Mall in Kuching for less than 20 times, well maybe 30 cos I worked parttime in Charles and Keith before. She never like crowded place. Unless she is spending her leisure time with all those uncles aunties =__= The whole point our dad brought us along for the trip is because he had another job opportunity in Bintulu's MLNG.

So eventually we moved to Bintulu and stay at this place called Pine Court Apartment, my Da Q Meh, QQ, Q Meh, cousins actually tagged along with the moving-house- trip and we had photos of those days at my Qmeh's house I guess. There, started my most beautiful, memorable 7 yrs , happiest chapter of my life.

Why would I say so? Am I not happy now? Well, of course . It is half right, I am still happy, but Ohana means family, family means no one gets left behind. and the problem I am having now is that I forget and I am not applying the principle "expect nothing, appreciate everything", put it short, I dont know how to appreciate. I expect too much. Focus too much on the closed windows, taking all those opened ones for granted.

Writing this post because, these days I am very emotional, friends keep on asking me not to be one, I wonder why, ..I'd be perceived as attention seeker, perhaps everyone needs certain level of attention, care. Whatever it is, what I am trying to say is. Family. What is your definition of family?

If it was not for the past we have been going through, we are not what we are today.

Maybe my sis and I would be like any other spoiled children. We still are, lil daughter in my mum's eyes.

I am writing this because I want all of you to know. How great it feels to be in a family.

I remember scolding one of my bestfriend, to the extend I cried so badly. She was either quarreling with her brother or complaining about her mum's bad mood. I scolded her. We are such close friends. Perhaps thats the very reason I got so angry. I said to her, " wo bu yao ni fa sheng he wo men yi yang de she qing, wo bu yao ni guo wo men guo de she qing cai fa xian, you yi ge mei man de jia you duo hao . wo bu yao ni hou hui "

We either hide it, "fu yan", change topics, or we choose to reveal, normally I'd be the one who tend to share. My sis is not. the type.

We hardly share our personal problems unless we come to a very devastated point I guess. There was a night I feel my blanket is shaky. THe blanket that I shared with her. It is her crying. I was so helpless, I just tried to keep silent, cried, silently. But I know. She knows. Both of us cried.

We have been running from reality. In fact, we are not having 'life' . We no longer watch tv as a family as before, we dont listen to songs via entertainment channels, everything is different and we just dont like to stay at home when mum is not around. We would "run away".

This is my sis. People tend to say that we look alike. People who are close to us would say we dont : ) cos they are able to tell, differentiate, and most of all, we have different personalities.

Erm, I miss my family. Sometimes I am thinking. Emo lai gan ma? Especially if emo due to smt that is not as important as my family.

Evelyn, wake up. This is your priority. Faith, your and Evon's faith. You need to do something alongside your prayers . Faith.

Sunday, 19 June 2011

did u ever know that i had mine on you?
darling so share with me
your love if you have enough
your tears if ur holding back
or pain if thats what it is
oh how can i let u know
im more than the dress
and the voice
just reach me out then
u ll know that u are not dreaming
darling so there u are
with that look on ur face
as if ur never hurt
as if ur never down
shall i be the one for u
who pinches u softly but sure

Saturday, 18 June 2011

Friday, 17 June 2011

before I was off to meet Vani to go to Farah's house for bbq with the rest yesterday. and at night , had hotpot at Jasmine's.

On a happier note, I am done with my 3 days intensive Swinburnian life ! hoho. I was almost dead, well I was dead, very dead. Was helping my sis with her English assignment and I can conclude by saying IT IS HARDER THAN THE LAW I VE BEEN READING . omgee now whenever Ebon asks me about the assignment my nerves ll freak out my shoulder will become stiff. =______=

Nona is having her Consti paper .soon in 15 minutes. Her last paper , next monday then SHE MERDEKA also liao!

Aaron, Aizat them going to Sunderland later in the afternoon. I was hanging out at Aaron's room with him and Vani. Until 4 am and when the skies are getting bright, hmm thats when we start to feel guilty and think it is the time to go to bed, I ve been telling myself I must sleep 3 days 3 nights, cos I ve been feeling that Im sleep deprived for ages. but but but. there are always ACTIVITIES. humph

but :) . this saturday Lihjing and I are going to be "princesses" again. hoho will write about it and post some photos. Erm. I miss updating this blog like before. I miss the carefree life.

I shouldnt think too much.

Oh ya. I dyed my hair Marshmallow Brown. Marshmallow : ) but of course la, as usual, my dark black hair so cant really go in the KALER=______= and the fact that I ve dyed it black to cover my coloured hair before I come to UK. U shall never ever dye ur hair black if you want to colour ur hair in nearest future. but ler. k lah. Hiao. and my hair getting longer also . good news. hoho

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

actually im not afraid of caring too much for now, im afraid for the day I'd care no more. when memories are no longer significant to me, i no longer refresh them in my mind, i no longer listen the songs that mean so much now, im afraid. of forgetting. and time.

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Ok now, let's be honest with my feeling. I feel sad, to be exact, extremely sad. I want this to end. I want to move on. But at the same time, I don't want to let go of the memories. Those are too beautiful, you wont know.

Another one month, there's only one month left, Evelyn. You're so gonna regret this in future. Get up, wake up, have a nice shower, dress up, go out, show up! Listen to more beautiful melodies, implant them in your heart, go out there, reaching for the sunshine you've been falling for.

Not every sweetdream shall have sweet ending, perhaps the fact that they never last is the very fact that makes them sweet too, cos' dreams remain still as, dreams.

til then, smile!

The most difficult feeling when you wake up in the morning, memories lingering in your head,emptiness felt in your chest, past holding you back, and you lost your reasons to smile know this isnt right, you gotta move on, but you dont know what to do

Friday, 10 June 2011

what is my feeling right now? terrible. give me a terrible term, that would best describe it. i feel horrible. first i screwed my exam. this round, i guess it is even worse than that of segi final year. i am not kidding. i remember my lecturer asked me, is it because you are in a relationship that you start coming to class late sometimes skipping class and that your performance dropped? well this time round is even worse i dont dare to think about it this is united kingdom this is uk it is not like you fail you pay rm700 and you can resit whilst proceeding to the next level

i want and i must proceed to clp i am going to live with carissa in kl and enrol in brickfields exam on next year june it is rm550 a month for accommodation plus bills and internet and best of all i think i am gonna live a proper life and i can go to the church with her too

i feel horrible terrible why am i so weak why cant i focus on myself why i have to be that kind of stupid girl that falls for guy and then

please wake up i remember asking laura to slap me the next time she senses im falling in love that was so long ago of course she never did even if she did i guess those who are in love would never listen but perhaps what someone told me before is right two steps forward one step backwards i am the kind 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 forward guess it is time for a change now i will still be 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13... forward , but for myself my future my family and blablabla

i need to sleep and disappear for 3 days a week or as long as i can to be myself back

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

I miss you, I really do.

Sunday, 5 June 2011

YO !

I am back :)