Monday, 28 February 2011

I never lie about it

It wasn't a fling. Never intended it to be.
I feel very stressed, my back aches badly. Guess I lack too much of sleep.

Saturday, 26 February 2011

Snow Snow please come again

Because I miss snow . Can you please fall the heaviest snow once, let me take some nice photos and let spring and summer come?

headache-bath-then sleep!

take care all my friends. dont sleep me :B

Friday, 25 February 2011

: ) with faith


Lord, please help my friend.I told him to have faith, to trust that my prayers to you will work.I hope he wins the case, or at least in any way, getting it settled as soon as possible :) in Thee, I believe...Make him a believer and overcomer too!

Ini adalah kacang soya yang diidam idamkan oleh Vani sejak beribu ribu tahun yang lalu.haha exaggerated. Then her dad brought her some and she gave me one!
Blue! hoho. so how now? no more lagging lerr. no more song. no more snow. JUST MY ZHILIAN PICTURES ONLY. hiak hiak :D

Thursday, 24 February 2011


A lot of complaints from my friends that this blog LAGS!! I know, there are too many things , but I ve already removed the snow effect why is it still here???????????!!!! The line here is much better than Malaysia so perhaps I dont really feel it is lagging but ya =___= sorry guys... plus u know lah I am very zhilian also, mm seh tat remove my photos at the sidebars...tsk tsk tsk

Now using the pc on the ground floor law school, with Timothy beside me scolding cibai cibai all the way cos the pc just went HANG so many times then we have to retype what we were typing on fb so I closed my fb and come here instead.

I woke up very early today, around 7.35 am^^ Vani stayed over lastnight and tonight too..her dad came over from Malaysia!! how envious..Everyone miss their dad/family knowing her dad is here!

So ya I WAS COMPLETELY LOST during evidence class just now!! Legal Professional Privilege? Litigation Privilege?? Without prejudice privilege?????????????????WTF lost gao gao blur gaogao................................................even though it is open book exam, i welcome any of you , come, i show you our syllabus and you ll be 'amazed' =____________________=
my lunch was salmon with spaghetti at school canteen , second round lunch with Vani and her dad who had just arrived from Malaysia this morning. He brought very tasty prawns and chicken cooked by Vani's auntie all the way from KL. Dinner : One monster cookie and a glass of milk. haha

Thank you Lord! ♥

Dad called ! We just ended the call 5 minutes ago! I cant believe he called! I opened my eyes wide to confirm if it is really him who called! And it was really him. " Dad : )" appearing on the phone screen. I was so nervous. Yes, it sounds so ridiculous, how come a daughter feels nervous and excited to receive a call from her dad.

But it has been almost 5 years. The voice, this lovely voice, and when I get to call him "Pa" again... even though it is through phone and not face to face.


Today, Lord worked two miracles on me. First of all, I almost cant believe it when I collected my Sentencing coursework. I cant believe it when I knew that I passed! I feel very blessed because our lecturer, Andrew is very much well-known for being strict especially in marking papers. And guess what, we got Sarah, our seminar tutor to mark our paper. Surprisingly, her marking criteria turned to be quite lenient although she is a practising lawyer! This is Lord's grace I think. Im sure. I will work hard for my exam, I promise. I want to go back to Malaysia with a cert! (duh..but I must pass in one sitting!!) Ganbatte!!! to all my friends too. I hope everyone pass together! That really double my happiness! I wasnt that happy when I knew I passed my Civil Liberties coursework, which the result I collected yesterday. Today seeing my friends' smiles , laughters, tears of joy...I feel truly blessed and happy.

Second, my dad's call. I feel sorry in the phone I couldnt tell him how much I miss him. Though I wish he'd address mum as 'mami' as he used to , instead of "ni de mu qing' . But still, I feel blessed. All this while, I can't find the courage to have the initiative to call him first, and with Lord's grace, he did first. For that, I feel truly blessed.

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

I'm a hungry white chocolate cookies monster.

I am hungry.

So i ate 3 of these today. ya, only this white chocolate monster cookies. and some blackcurrants and Ribena. A lot a lot of Ribenas. Calories. FML

everytime I skype with my dearest mum she never fail in amusing me with her "cuteness".

1. What is this? 3G is it? Why I can video call you through the phone?
"Mum that is I-phone, that's why can Skype "
Argh? like that ah? then my phone can ma?
"Ma, if your phone can, then no need Iphone le in this world"
2. Like that , I want to take the phone from Evon lo. and you? u bought I phone again is it?
Dont cheat me, else why you can video call with me too.
"ma, I m using laptop =___=".

and this is taken when I was skyping with Nona. each time she heard 'ka-zha' she will ask Ni tou pai wo har..................haha the yellow bearbear is given by her sweet..can accompany the one given by Lina already.haha

and when we were playing with gloves =_= too bored. two girls overseas. jiak ba bo su zhor.


My blog is no longer a space I reveal my true feelings, each time before I write a post, I will think what will people think when they read this, so at times I refrain myself from writing too much. To keep it private? No I don't really find it a good solution, I have friends who are silent readers and how if they're too shy to ask the access permission from me? =_=

I miss the past so much each time I miss those old days so much I scroll through my old posts laughing at how dumb I was , each time I feel too free or too emo lying on the bed I look through the photos in my phone and those videos. Laugh, alone.

I think, and say to myself, why things changed so much? It is not others, not other people, nor circumstances we went through, but it is me. Myself. I. We tend to claim people change. But have you ever realised? Have you ever thought? It is us , we, ourselves, who have changed. Well, at least I did realise that.

I don't know why do we hold on grudge, or some unhappy moments, we make ourselves so difficult, those meaningless things that covers all beautiful things, those beautiful moments that once we shared with our friends. There are many things I truly regret, there are so many people I want to say sorry to. Like, apologizing face to face. Tell them how I feel, tell them many ugly things I ve done are unintended. But I don't have the courage to. I dont find ways to grab opportunities. I let them slip away.

If u were to ask me, what is my happiest moment in my life? I would say Bintulu, the 7 years in Bintulu of course, after being separated from our dad, my mum and my sis & I finally moved to Bintulu when he was transferred from Miri to Bintulu for his job purpose. He brought us to the beach, and my mum claimed that the sunset was the reason she was 'cheated' to agree to my dad's request, asking us to move to Bintulu. We were in Kuching back then, communicating with my dad using phone every night. How I miss those days. Mum called Dad, or Dad called mum, then mum ll put the phone on loudspeaker and Evon and I will be talking to him, telling him what happened in our school, and telling him what we saw what we wanted so much and all that. U know? Those things that kids want. I couldnt remember what were those but I definitely miss those moments.

And my happiest school time, other than my carefree, talk-to-Jill-about-guys-bf-hair-gossips days in SMK Bintulu, my most favourite chapter in my school life is A Level's in Segi. Seriously! 8 of us became so close, we went to lunch everyday together, walked from college until Padungan, Tun Jugah , Sarawak Plaza, Parkson, or drive elsewhere to find food that we were not sick of eating them. We talked nonsense, we played cards, during chinese new year, we visited everyone's homes in a day. We gave surprises, we celebrated everyone's birthday together. But is it humanity, that this moment slipped away. I don't know. Many things happened. Many sayings, many gossipings from others. We shouldn't have listened so much. We should have kept it strong. I mean, we shouldn't bother so much. We should have concentrated on happier things. Which is the friendship itself. I was once a very happy-go-lucky girl. I don't , I did not hold grudge, I laughed at my own mistakes and stupidity, I made fun of myself to make others happy, I was not evil. I never learn to hate somebody. But I changed. Friends that I shared my problem with, they asked me not to try to change back to my old good self, but to become even a better person. I guess my 'self' is too strong, the evil self is too strong that it prevailed over my good self. Okay fine I know I sound like Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Dual personalities. Ok I even have to google to check how to spell Jekyll. Jackell? Jckill? ...

I miss mud family. I miss laughing together in class. I miss those crazy moments.

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

First of all

I'd like to scare you all with my photos. Yesh, I made it! ^_^ =_="

Wanted to upload a lot of photos but I guess it is too big , more than 4 mb each
So I just upload one lah.

This is Vani's hand and mine. Anyone who has been in the same class with me before should be able to recognise these drawings. Haha

Well, that is before Melvin go and conteng conteng..err I mean beautifying my hand. haha

p/s: TOMORROW! I mean later...result ll be probably out. My courseworks. My half-modules. My sentencing. My wordcount T_________T

Monday, 21 February 2011

Friday, 18 February 2011

Quick update

Celebrated Iqbal's birthday on Tuesday. It was an early celebration as Aaron was leaving the next morning already to Leeds. Haha his second home already. Well that's a lemoncheesecake I made for him (and everyone ) which was his second surprise. First surprise was a bday dinner which he thought was just a simple dinner but everyone were there to celebrate his bday, Aaron got him very very nice and unique cupcakes from Fenwick and we got him lotsa chocolates. hahaha until he got sorethroat. It is impossible to upload all the photos here , I ve uploaded in my fb which total up to more than a hundred. LOL Oh ya and photos that I took just now for Chap Goh Meh celebration, same place we celebrated Iqbal's bday, Little Asia at Chinatown. YESH the place that I ordered Chicken Rice earlier, of which I had to wait 30 minutes for a bloody plate of steamed chicken rice and some lousy chili . I MISS KCH, heaven of foods. zzzz

one key to intentional sarcasm
: we don't swallow them, and handle with either total ignorance or greater sarcasm .

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

For a friend named nonakong

I know her during my A Level's time in Segi College, we were not that close until we started to have lunch together during the few hours breaktime between classes. And I'd say we got really really close when she started to join my church group meeting : )

Later only did I know that to her, first time seeing me, she thought that I am kinda arrogant and look fierce ( my 眼神 ) hahahaha

Her name is Laura Kong Hwee Lin. I call her nona. Used to call her dog. well she still is. Hahaha cos we have this group of animal friends, I am pig (I sound so proud eh? =_=) , my sis Ebon Tan is monkey, Ivy Chiew is Polar bear, Hui Yen is Donkey, Timaomao is duck quack quack (cos I used to tease him as ah kua hahaha), Damud is Owl ( cos he is the most serious in studies, well at least in my impression of him), Kevin as the Rhino, and Shuhorng as the giraffe. New member is laopo cherry as panda because........ hahaha *secret * bing bing undecided because I cant figure out which animal is the hiao-est. hahahaha

Ya, so I consider that we got very close since the time we attend group meeting together at Sis Cindy and Bro Stulos' house together everyweek. With polar ibychiew and ebontan. We sang hymns+campus songs together, we read and studied bible together, we made prayers together. We swam at Sis Cindy's place together. We cooked together. We made mooncake together, we had a lot of blendings together. How much I miss those days.

Throughout A Level, our friendship bond become stronger and stronger, due to the church meetings and all that, she got so close to my sis too, and eventually my mum as well. My mum loves her a lot. I think every mum knows and they can tell which friend of ours can be our friend and they are always right. In fact, my mum trusts her more than me. Cos I am blur, noob, careless, irresponsible and mum always has faith in nona that she ll take care of me.

Why am I writing this? She is leaving tomorrow to Brisbane. Initially it is our plan to finish our degree together in Brisbane but I left her to go on with the plan alone. It is so much cheaper studying in UK that I opted for continuing my final year in Newcastle and of which clearly explains why am I here right now. Urgh. Two years in Brisbane. To study together, live together, perhaps part time work together, travel together, learn new things together and meet new people together. Our initial plan.

Ok I may make this sound like we are lesbians already but she is definitely more than friend. She is my family already. Not only my mum, even my Q Meh (my auntie in Hakka) used to call nona to join us for dinner/xmas event/whatever occasion. When my cousin Ah Fook passed away, she was there for us and with us too.

Being in and out of relationships, she was there with me. Each and everytime of my breakups moments, I'd tell her please slap me the next time I'm falling in love so that I will not, fall in the trap again, and be heartbroken again. Of course she never did..

How would I describe her? A true friend. Not any friend that you can easily meet out there, not hi-bye friend, not gossip friend, not shopping friend, not ngam key friend. But a friend, the friend. If only you can to befriend her, you'd know. You 're lucky. No, I am not exaggerating any of these.

Soon enough, she befriended a few circle of my friends, in particular cherry, bing bing and even their friends, for eg Rosemary. In short, she is likable by any person in this world unless you are retard or insane or crazy or mad.

I am very emotional right now, I know I may sound ridiculous, two years only mah~ some of you may say BUT. I used to do this back in Kuching.

*makes phone call
me: nona, u at home? get ready, im going over ur house now, reaching in 10 minutes( or sometimes even 5 minutes.)
her:ha??i havent...bath oi. oi oi

*tutt....* *I hang up the phone*

argh. How to say this.. we just go out like as if we are family members already, we do not need appointments/dates/plans/whatever you call it. Back in january when I went back for winter holiday, we actually felt shi jie will mo ri. Because we thought of this day, will come. This thing will happen.

Find her in Brisbane? Of course I will, but it is not like I am rich, I dont have to study, etc etc, and IT IS DIFFERENT.totallydifferent.

IN CONCLUSION, NONA KONG NGO HOU MM SEH TAT LEI AH. lu mesti skype dengan saya ok kalau tidak saya tendang burit kamu.

p/s: I MISS U T_T i know Ebon definitely feels the most difficult right now. And you...leaving your home, family, auntie uncle ah beng. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM please take care dont ngapat.sekian terima kasut

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Finally babeh

Did you realise something's different in this photo?

"Aiya, bi kak bui ma...." *tett* *wrong answer*
"where got difference...same like all other zhilian zhao"

NOPE it is different because........


tadaa. have been wanting to get one DSLR since thousand yrs ago. *exaggerated* hahaha no lah. just never really go and save a sum of money for it. So I'll get it now..and live a cow life...munch on grasses to live on.....

hahaha drink milkshake everyday.

taken by stupid Timaomao...

This is the close mode if not mistaken...with flash.

As usual, view outside my window. Hope I will wake up early and explore newcastle with my new baby. Haha Ebon can use it also next time when she takes up Mass. Comm.

p/s: 2 more days....Nona's leaving. T_T

Saturday, 12 February 2011

Please help Charmaine

Charmaine's right leg is in excruciating pain...

We cried and cried and amidst her pain and cries, she kept touching my face, telling me: "Mommy, I'm so sorry to make you cry... I'm so sorry I can't control my pain..." when the pain gets worse, she screams: "Mommy, I love you so much!"

She keeps repeating those lines and keeps screaming "I love you so much Mommy!!!"

My heart keeps bleeding... My tears keep dropping... Not because of my helplessness but because of her love for me... I can't save her... How can I be deserving of such depth of love... She doesn't forget to show me her love even when she is suffering so much and in such degree of pain...

Please please please pray for my little girl to be healed on earth... The toughest part of this entire journey is not wheeling her into a major operation, neither is it the high dose chemo, nor the horrific side effects... IT IS WATCHING MY BELOVED CHILD IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN and I am rendered helpless... The degree of pain all these kids with cancer have to suffer through is inhumane and heart wrenching. And they have done nothing to deserve any of these... Nothing at all...

Please pray with me for a miracle...

cyn mommy

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

That was a blog post I stumbled on randomly, I couldn't help but keep on reading and reading the blog . Charmaine was diagnosed with neuroblastoma sometime two years ago, she was then 4 years old. She is fighting hard, very very hard at 4th stage of the rare type of cancer. Watching all the videos her godmum posted in youtube, I see all sides of her being strong, happy, bubbly, taking her own medicine, dancing on her birthday...reading more posts by her mother Cynthia, who is a very very strong mother, hmm.. telling us how Charmaine was crying , saying it is unfair , she wants to go to school like her brother, play, run and hop like normal kids, she was her hair back and she wants to return to the time she was not sick.

Please read all these and spread the words and help Charmaine, in any form, if you are a student like me, sharing the links and stories of Charmaine is sufficient to help her. May Lord bless Charmaine!

Friday, 11 February 2011

Boh-Feel der CNY~~

So what will you do when you are stuck in a country where they don't celebrate chinese new year? (by now all of you will ask " No chinatown there meh?" Ya, of course there is chinatown here , there was lion dance and those ching ching chong chong stuff to ngak guai lou.

But there is no family. There is no home. No visitings. No bak poh. No hei soi (soft drinks). No gambling. No ban lak (blackjack). No laughters. No reunion dinner at my Q Meh's house. fml

So what we did over here to cheat ourselves that we can have chinese new year feel as well was having this CNY gathering together. There was quite a lot people who turned up, quite a lot of food was prepared too BUT TOTALLY DIFFERENT LO. BOH FEEL OKAY. full stop

Little Asia @ Chinatown. Went there for lunch on Sa Chap Meh.

Iqbal and Aaron.

Aizat and Timaomao.

So many ngiao..

Cute right? hmm But I'm sooooo angry cos I had to wait 30 minutes for a plate of chicken rice. In Kuching, if you order one, even from the busiest stall, the most you wait is 5 minutes, chop chop chop then your chicken rice will be served! pfft.

Then, at night, reunion dinner at Jasmine's place.

The food.

This is taken especially for my mum. She is so paranoid and worried each time she called me she would ask, " you chi fan ma??mei you chi fan? NA LI KE YI!!!!??! mei you ying yiang " =___=

Gambling time. For two or three rounds only.haha


Next , played a game called Twister. Jasmine, the "spinner"/ Judge.

Haha . if you think this is funny, the photo that was taken in my first round is RIDICULOUSLY funnier. *hide

Get the idea how to play? hahaha

Ingredient for mee sua...

boiled eggs.

Chow Yatt. The guys preparing the food for the gathering.

Those who came.

Aaron, Iqbal, Vanessa..

Vani , Shaarmila, Vanessa... (with Aaron and Andy looking so bored, on their iphones at the back)

Chung, who is Kuching Lang as well.. and this photo is from his camera! LX 5, which I think is quite good..

Cheongsam mum bought me before I came back in January.

It is PINKU! :D


And this very very big bottle of Fanta, 3 litres'. Hahahaha

HMM. no matter what, home is the best and I will not want to miss any CNY back home anymore!!
The sorethroat is coming I can feel it. My goodness.

Valentine's is on Monday and coincidentally it is a day I am buying myself a big gift. The biggest I'd say but it definitely worth it. From now on, I have to really really spend a little. No need eat lah, drink milkshake enough!

Strawberry Tiramisu ♥


400 (1 punnet) strawberries

4 tablespoons caster sugar, divided
250g mascarpone cheese

120ml (4 fl oz) whipping cream

2 tablespoons coffee-flavoured liqueur

18 lady finger biscuits or sponge fingers

80ml (5 ½ tablespoons) chilled espresso
2 teaspoons unsweetened cocoa powder for dusting (but i Forgot this step =____= )

Preparation method

Cut off the tops of the strawberries and slice the berries. Reserve 2 whole berries for the garnish.

In a blender, place a third of the sliced berries and 1 tablespoon of sugar; blend to puree and set aside. Alternatively, you can skip using a blender, and just use a steel spoon to press and mince the strawberry into creamy strawberry paste/ puree.

In a medium bowl, combine mascarpone cheese, half of the cream, 1 tablespoon of sugar and liqueur; beat with an electric mixer on medium-high until thickened, 3 to 5 minutes.


Place 6 ladyfingers onto a serving plate,
brush each with the cold espresso.

Spread 1/2 the cheese mixture over the ladyfingers, and layer with half of the sliced strawberries.

Repeat with the next 6 ladyfingers, espresso, remaining cheese mixture and sliced strawberries; top with remaining 6 lady fingers.

( the lady fingers not enough FML =_____=")
In a small bowl combine remaining cream with 2 tablespoons of sugar; beat with electric mixer on medium-high until just whipped, approx 2 minutes. Spread whipped cream evenly over top layer of ladyfingers. Dust cocoa over whipped cream, garnish with 2 reserved strawberries.
Pour strawberry puree onto two serving plates. Cut tiramisu in half, place onto puree. Or you can opt for pouring the puree on the cake, on top of the top creamy layer, that is what I did. :)

Put in the fridge for 2 hours and it is ready to be served!